I said it before. But now I truly know. You don’t give a shit about me… Goddammit I wish things were different, but they’re not. Hopefully we’ll still be friends. Either way, Goodbye…
As I said, the game is over. I’m done. There is nothing left for me to go and do. I am not going to sit here and let you devour my thoughts without a single glance at the way that I feel. So that’s it. I am at a point where I don’t really give a damn about whether or not we might have been something because if you’re not willing to show me the smallest semblance of respect even, then there’s no point, we are destined for destruction anyway. I have zero desire to be part of such a self destructive relationship.
So here I sit once again, wondering what life will bring. Whether there is someone out there for me or whether I should simply throw in the towel, say F*** it and move on. I am done with these games, anyone else who is out, who is finished, who has lost? Come find me and we’ll rejoice in the escape from the international falsehood that is enjoyment of the game.
“Let no one look down upon you because you are young, rather, set the believer an example in speech and conduct, in faith, in love, in purity.” — 1 Timothy 4:12
So here I am, sitting on my couch on yet another night, attempting to convey what is me into words. Words that will be read by the smallest number that I can care to imagine… Words that only have meaning with the voice in my head giving them live, emotion, being.
I have tried to do this before, on another website… to no avail. So here is a new beginning, a chance to start over only… where do i begin? This is a place where my writings anonymous, where image, and reputation, and man-made importance hold no value, no sway, no existence. Here there is nothing but peace, and a chance of relief.
So here is the beginning, the contemplations of a man lost in his own mind, unable to clear his thoughts for anything but a moment…
“What happened?” That’s what I want to ask, we were good friends, we had fun chilling did we not? So at what point in the last two days did you decide that there was nothing there worth it? At what point did you decide that not only am I not worth keeping around, but that I didn’t warrant the courtesy of telling me why?
Why…
It seems to be such a simple question, yet it takes an eternity to answer. There is no wholeness, no feeling, no emotion without this question, yet it torments me so…
Why…
It’s not as if I am a crazy person, sending a message every fifteen minutes, annoying the hell out of you. Once a day? Less than that? Is that many contacts enough for you to think that I am strange? Unusual? We spoke that often for a long time, when did you decide that it was too much? And why do you refuse to speak to me?
Why…
Why does this game exist? Where people speak lies as though they are truth and truth as though they are lies? So I’m done. The weight of the world is too much, there is no more strength to give…
Game Over…….